3’s

People always say things come in 3’s – and I’m hoping we’ve had our three for a while!

My car was in with the mechanic last week – and needed a lot of work. And then my hubbie’s jeep broke down on his way home, and when he got in the door I was trying to get the oven to work (and couldn’t) – so needed a new oven, and parts for his jeep, as well as all the work that had to be done on our car.

So I’m keeping my fingers crossed that that’s the end of break-down’s for our household for a while 🙂

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Depending On Others

This is something I am not very good at. Depending on others. I don’t know why, I suppose I have always been well able to take care of myself so I tend not to rely or depend on other people (except my husband).

I didn’t actually realise that until about five or six years ago when I started in counselling, and I started talking to my friends about things and one of my friends said it to me that I would never ask for help or depend on anyone else. I was surprised, but realised it was actually true. I’ve been through enough counselling to make a good guess at why that it is, but those musings are not for this post! 🙂

What has spurred this post is that this week I have had to ask people for help. My husband is gone long days, and I have an eye condition that means I can’t drive. I have the morning school run and two school pick ups to do each day and the school is a ten minute drive, that would take hours to walk! So I’ve had to ask for help. And I don’t like it. I am delighted that I have such lovely people in my life that they have no problem helping and each has offered to do more than I even asked them. I really appreciate it, and I get that warm fuzzy feeling about the fact I have such wonderful people around.

But it also makes me uncomfortable. I’m not sure why, I think it must be that I HAVE to depend on others. In case you’re thinking it might be because I might have to reciprocate in the future, it is not that. I am, and always have been, more than willing to help out with lifts and school runs. I am even happy to be asked. So therefore I should understand that these friends and family would be happy to help me too. But still I feel I am putting them out. This time however, I don’t have a choice, and I think this might be a great thing for me.

Do you find it easy to ask for favours and help, or do you find it hard like me? Do you know why you feel like that? It is an odd thing to think about.

Things are changing in this home!

My husband has got a job!

He had an accident 9 years and damaged his leg. He was self employed at the time. I was on maternity leave on our first child. He had to get a few operations, and he couldn’t work, so that was the end of the business. His leg never really healed fully, and he has issues with arthritis and other things so he never went back to the kind of work he used to do (very manual, building type work).

Over the past nine years he has worked on various things generally part time, he’s studied and learnt new skills, and I worked different jobs and went to college, up until after the Boy was born six years ago. Everything he has done has been extremely flexible, so I have had him home and as a support pretty much since we’ve had children.

But it has been tough. There has been very little money. We are extremely lucky, because things always work out for us, we have a great family and friends and I am so grateful for all that we have, and all we have had. So even though it was a struggle at times, we decided that we would “make do” on less money, so that he could be around for me and the kids – because the work that he does is long hours, long weeks and most of the work that has been available in that industry over the last few years has been abroad. He had already missed out on his “first family” when they were small, he didn’t want to do it again.

I’m not sure where his decision to go back to work came from, maybe it was just that he was talking to someone who told him about some work coming up and said he’d give it a go. Maybe it was just that he was fed up of never being able to “just buy something” – every unplanned purchase has a consequence in such a low budget. Whatever it was, he made the call. He got the job. He started back to work. This is his first full week. The days are long for him – he is leaving the house in the morning at 4.30am, and he is getting home between 8.30pm and 9pm in the evenings – after the children are in bed. He literally won’t see them awake from a Sunday evening until Saturday morning, unless I keep them up after their bedtimes. And he has to go to bed close to 10pm, so he has time to eat and wash and have a ten minute conversation with me and then he’s gone to bed.

It is a big change for all of us. It is going to be tough – but hopefully we will make it work. We’re going to have to make it work. People always say that relationships are tested when people are out of work, because they have to spend a lot more time together, and the money problems put more pressure on them. We’ve lived like that for years now and I think it has brought us closer. I am worried that not getting to spend as much time together is going to be tough for us. But as I keep saying, we are going to make it work.