Different Stages of Life in Friendships

Yesterday I spent the day with friends that I would count as very good friends, who I have been friends with for over 20 years, but don’t see that much of and who aren’t very good at keeping in touch by text etc.

I have lots of friends like this, and usually when we meet up it is just like normal, we slip into catching up all our info and I come away feeling fresh and revitalised and happy.

Yesterday, I think maybe it was the dynamics of meeting more than one friend together, and they are all in close contact a lot – and so instead of feeling anything positive, I felt left out, unwanted or cared about and not important to any of them.

I realised that they make plans together and do things often, and I understand I have a baby and they don’t so I don’t mind that, although maybe the odd invite would be nice – but they probably think I wouldn’t join anyway. I also realised that one of them seems to hooked up with someone she was friends with, so I would have thought it was a significant enough piece of info and if she valued me as a friend, she might have just dropped me a text after it had been going on a while to say “hey guess what” seeing as I was around for a lot of their friendship etc, and I just would have thought if she thought of me as a close friend, thats what she would have done

So I came home upset. Very upset. I think my husband firstly thought that it was because my life is nowhere near as exciting as theirs (I found out one is off to London next month and one to Paris, and then their hols later in the year are Florida, so yes he would be right to think it might be that) but they also all work, whereas I’m a stay at home mum, so that would have been a mini-jealousy upset that I could deal with logically. This upset has actually hurt me badly, and I realised that I should probably step back further from them (its not like I am in touch much, so not exactly hard!) but its upsetting because when my kids list my closest friends, these two would be right up on top of the list.

It is difficult when you have certain feelings of the importance of a friendship, and then realise that they rank the friendship differently.

I’m in a bit of a negative funk at the moment, my mind is spiralling around negatively at the moment – and I really really need to bring it around to a positive spin and positive attitude. So that is what I am going to work on this week. Self care for my mental health!

Positivity winning over worry?

I sit here on the cusp, on the edge. On the edge of potentially my whole life changing. Everything falling apart around me. It is such a scary horrible place to be.

I am one of the very very lucky ones who has not lost anybody that I love.

This week threatens to change that. My aunt is going for a repeat brain surgery and as she is unhealthier now than originally, all the risks of the surgery are increased. And then later in the week we will find out if my 20yr old step-son has cancer or not. But we’ve been lead to believe that he most likely does.

And then there’s other family members with varying degrees of conditions and illnesses, that could escalate and become serious very quickly.

I also suffer from anxiety, and the worry of life has often overwhelmed me. And that could have been when there was no “real” worry.

My response is positivity, “attempted positivity” – I try not to allow the worries and fears to win, I try to fight them with positivity. Of course I am an overthinker, so every single worst case scenario goes through my head. But I try to give an outward, almost fake, positive response and attitude. And not allow the worrying thoughts to take over.

I am not “fake”, my mind often does automatically jump to positive alternatives or best case scenarios, often to the annoyance of friends who just want me to sympathise with them and their bad days! And I don’t just bottle everything up. I had a full evening and night of “tears and fears” where I was a complete emotional mess and let the worries out and cried my eyes out. And then the next day, I shook it off and put back on my positive attitude.Which possibly is burying my worries behind it, but it usually works. It gets me through the situations, which this week is what I need to do.

Silver Lining!

I saw this beautiful sky and I had to take a photo… of course it didn’t come out fully the way I wanted but its still nice.

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I am a silver lining person. I always look for the silver lining in everything. I don’t even mean to, it just comes out “…well it could….” or “…well at least….”

Even though it is pretty much automatic, I do think it is a positive trait! Although I recently noticed that when a friend was going through a rough patch, and definitely did not want the positive slant on the situation, I found myself deleting parts of messages, and stopping myself mid sentence! (Until she was ready 😉 )

I also have way of looking at things from all the different angles – which is great at times, but it means that I automatically play devils advocate, which can get me some strange looks when I’m with people who don’t know me well (and I’m defending something crazy haha!). Over the years friends would come to me and ask me to explain why a friend or boyfriend thinks or feels a certain way, and I’d give a list of possible reasons! (Of course I don’t necessarily think I’m always right, but I can come up with different options which let my friends look at things differently!)

What positive personality traits do you have that you like? (By the way I also have lists of negative traits too! For another day maybe!)