An Amazing Woman.

So I’ve been having a pretty crappy stressy time of it lately. The kids are driving me up the wall and I’ve been wound up and cross about everything. My husband isn’t around at the moment and there’s a number of other reasons for me to be stressed on top of it all, and it is all getting on top of me and I’m not getting any sort of a break from the kids. So like I said, they are literally driving me crazy.

Yesterday we were out in the shopping centre in the next town over and we had been trying to get a lot done in a short amount of time, the kids weren’t listening, we were trying to run from one place to another to another, the baby was in the buggy screaming her head off – and I was stressed to high heaven.

And as we walked out of one shopping centre I saw a woman walking towards me that I recognised and it took me a minute to realise who she was. She worked as EPU nurse, the Early Pregnancy Unit nurse.

I had first met her in 2009 when I was having what they thought was my second miscarraige but what turned out to be an ectopic pregnancy. So over ten years ago. She had been so knowledgable at the time, she was honest and told me her honest opinion of the situation even though it wasn’t exactly what the doctors said. When we first thought it was a second miscarriage she gave me advice and explained the way the system works here regards help after multiple miscarriages (needs to be three in a row before they investigate) and gave me the names of books to read to help. Then when the signs were there for the ectopic, and the doctors discharged me without doing anything, she rang me with results and told me to take care and basically that she thought it still was an ectopic. She was right.

Because of the ectopic, in every following pregnancy I had to go to the EPU for a scan at 5 or 6 weeks to make sure that it was in the right place. So this woman saw me a further four pregnancies, and the kindness and compassion she showed me was unbelievable and unforgetable.

My fourth pregnancy was my second successful one, but I had been sick throughout my first so even though she had seen me a number of times for peace of mind in the first few weeks, at 17wks my sickness disappeared and I panicked. I rang the EPU and explained, and she brought me in for a scan even though it is very normal for sickness to stop after 12wks, and thankfully he was still there safely but without that scan I would never have believed it.

She then had to tell me that my next pregnancy wasn’t progressing and dealt with me over a few weeks of me trying to allow it pass itself like my first, then take the medical option – which ended up with the surgical option. But she just was so amazing throughout, her kindness and straight forward honest information helped so much. I then saw her a number of times over the next two pregnancies, she came and found me on the ward after I had no.3 as she’d seen my name on the board. When I thought I was losing no.4 she got me straight in for a scan and was as happy as I was to see the little heartbeat there on the screen – it was 2pm that day when she saw me even though my appointment was for about 2hrs before and she apologised for keeping me waiting – but I knew that if things were delayed, it was not good news for whoever she was with. After we saw the little heartbeat, she said she had been so worried she was going to have to give me bad news again, and that I was the first person that day she had given good news to. That was her day, full of heartbreak.

This woman made a number of horrible, sad and heartbreaking situations a little bit better for me. She honestly will stay in my heart forever.

Yesterday when I saw her, and remembered all the heartbreak I had gone through. And how lucky I am to have my children. How so many women go through pregnancy loss time after time, and don’t end up with any successful pregnancies. How lucky I am to have my four healthy children. I had spent over three years petrified that my daughter was going to be an only child like I was, and couldn’t believe that my second child would make it here safely. And not only did I get a second child safely, I got a third and a fourth. I am so so lucky, and of course I’m allowed be tired and stressed and cross, but just seeing her and remembering all those years of heartbreak and fear, it just shook me up a little bit and reminded me how grateful I am.

Day 31 of My Month of Gratitude

This is the last post in my Month of Gratitude. I have loved the idea of this keeping me accountable to myself to actually post and I feel a great sense of achievement for the fact that I actually got the full 31 posts up – not all in time, but I’m not worrying about that – life gets in the way and instead of letting it get me down I am looking at the positive side of the fact I did get so many up in time!

  1. My Husband
  2. My Children
  3. My Step-Children
  4. My Step-Grandchildren
  5. My Family
  6. My Friends
  7. My Home
  8. Our Utilities
  9. Our Health
  10. Education
  11. Coffee
  12. Technology
  13. Being Alive
  14. Baby Smiles and Laughs
  15. Special Occasions
  16. Healthcare
  17. Being Irish
  18. Being a SAHM
  19. Chocolate
  20. Books
  21. Online Recipes
  22. Sunshine
  23. Online Shopping
  24. Grandparents
  25. Sleep
  26. Podcasts
  27. Support
  28. Community
  29. Handy-man Skills
  30. Having More Than Enough
  31. Being Grateful

Possibly sounds like a silly one.

I am grateful for being grateful.

But this is one thing that I love about myself. I can see so much to be grateful for, in my life and all around us. In general I see the silver lining of things, and when something horrible happens I tend to automatically reply with a “At least…. insert silver lining…”.

A few years ago a very close friend was going through her divorce, and I can’t remember how it came up but she said “Sometimes people don’t want to hear the positives” – my at leasts, or looking at it from another angle, weren’t helping – she didn’t want to hear it, and so it made me realise people didn’t want the silver lining or alternative view, so I tried to tone it back. Purposely tried to not say positive things when someone was upset. It was hard! I do understand when you’re going through a crap time you don’t want to hear an annoying upbeat person saying its not so bad, you just want them to empathise with how crap it is. But the whole situation made me second guess myself, and I still do now. I said it to my husband the other day, I think that friend broke “Positive Me” lol.

But it is my automatic default in my head to look at the silver lining and the positive out of the situation. Particularly for other people. I do find it harder for myself, I tend to beat myself up more. Again though, think that is natural!

I see how much I have in life to be grateful for, I am grateful for everything that I do have and I feel so so lucky to have so much in my life and to be so lucky to have this life. I know how much I have to be grateful for, and I am grateful for everything I have. I am grateful for having this outlook and for realising how much there is to be grateful for. This is something that I want to instill in my children, it is so important to be grateful in life for everything that you do have.

 

Day 30 of My Month of Gratitude

I’m a bit behind again. Life gets in the way. I know it is now April but I have had the last two in my head, but I had my baby girl in the hospital last night and it was so late getting home that it was already after midnight and into April so I said I’d finish these last two this morning!

  1. My Husband
  2. My Children
  3. My Step-Children
  4. My Step-Grandchildren
  5. My Family
  6. My Friends
  7. My Home
  8. Our Utilities
  9. Our Health
  10. Education
  11. Coffee
  12. Technology
  13. Being Alive
  14. Baby Smiles and Laughs
  15. Special Occasions
  16. Healthcare
  17. Being Irish
  18. Being a SAHM
  19. Chocolate
  20. Books
  21. Online Recipes
  22. Sunshine
  23. Online Shopping
  24. Grandparents
  25. Sleep
  26. Podcasts
  27. Support
  28. Community
  29. Handy-man Skills
  30. Having More Than Enough

I think all the above things show that we have more than enough of everything we could want or need. Obviously there is always more that we want to have or to do, but I am so thankful for everything that we do have.

In every aspect we have more than enough of everything – when it comes to basic needs like heat, clothes, food, money or further needs like entertainment and love – we are surrounded by so much. We really have more than enough. We are so lucky, and I am so grateful for it.

Day 14 of My Month of Gratitude

This one I’m not sure if its a cheat, lol, seeing as I’ve already counted my children but there is something special about this one that can cheer up your day.

  1. My Husband
  2. My Children
  3. My Step-Children
  4. My Step-Grandchildren
  5. My Family
  6. My Friends
  7. My Home
  8. Our Utilities
  9. Our Health
  10. Education
  11. Coffee
  12. Technology
  13. Being Alive
  14. Baby Smiles and Laughs

So my little daughter is one, and has the biggest smiley happy face (when she’s smiling and happy, instead of screaming lol!) and it is so wonderful to get the chance to enjoy.

She is supposed to be napping. This is my one little time slot of peace and quiet, when the kids are at school and she takes a nap. But she woke up after a very short nap, just as I sat down with my coffee and laptop. Typical. She was crying as I walked up the stairs, and I was annoyed going up to her too because she was supposed to be asleep for another hour. But I walked in the door and her face broke into this huge smile and she had the happiest loveliest look on her face seeing me. And it made me smile too.

I know how lucky I am to have each of my children, and because I have bigger gaps between each of them than most of my friends (almost 4yrs between each) it means that I have more energy as such to enjoy the little things with each of them. And this baby is my last, and I really want to enjoy every last bit of it. Making her laugh and smile is very easy and so much fun, and it makes me laugh and smile too seeing her reaction.

Yesterday we were in a waiting room of people, and she was smiling and waving at everybody expecting a response from them. And people smiled and waved back. So here you had a group of people sitting there bored waiting for their turn, and all of a sudden they are smiling and interacting with a strangers baby. That is what a babies smile does. It can bring so much joy, even to strangers!

There’s a reason that there are all the different laughing babies videos on Youtube, because seeing a baby laugh and chuckle will make you smile and chuckle along too. I am lucky enough to have my own little laughing baby here and I am so thankful and grateful for having this time with my little woman.

Day 4 of My Month of Gratitude

This one is a little bonus, I feel very lucky to have in our lives.

  1. My Husband
  2. My Children
  3. My Step-Children
  4. My Step-Grandchildren

So as I said, this is a little bonus. Because of my step-children being older, I have step-grandchildren!

The eldest grandchild is a boy and the same age as my son, and then the next two are girls, the same age as each other and right in between my youngest two, 2yrs younger than Biz and 2yrs older than the baby! And then another grandson 4 months older than the baby.

It is so lovely to have them in our lives, but it also creates guilt around not having enough of a chance to take them or spend time with them. I do have to be realistic, we have a very busy life, I have four kids myself, and it is all go. I already put too much pressure on myself to do too much, but I would love to have more time to spend with the grandkids. They are such lovely children, and my kids love spending time with them too. They all get on so well, so hopefully seeing as the baby is a bit bigger now this year we’ll manage to do more with them.

I’m so grateful for having such wonderful little bonus children in my life, they are so special, and it is so wonderful having such a close involvement and love for little people who aren’t your own but you adore too. I can see how when your own kids are grown up it is so lovely to get another go with little people around, but it is very special having such lovely friendships between my son and his nephew, and my daughter and her nieces and there are lovely bonds between them all. The younger set of the family. We are so lucky to have such wonderful family, and I love my wonderful step-grandchildren and so grateful for having them in my life.

 

1st Day of My Month of Gratitude

1st of March, here we are. The first day of My Month of Gratitude!

Actually the first thing to put down is actually the hardest for me, because of the way my head works and being over-diplomatic in every single situation, I wonder how would it be taken. I normally roll my husband and children into one when I list off the things I’m grateful for. Do I chose one over the other, does it look like I care more about one or the other if I chose to put one at number 1 and the other at number 2. That is the way that my head works, it is why making decisions are difficult for me because I think about all the possible ways things might work out or be interpreted.

But I made a decision.

  1. My Husband

I’m not sure if it is cheating my saying that without him, I wouldn’t have my children, so therefore it makes sense he is in at number one. And also he came along in to my life before my children (obviously!) so chronologically it makes sense. For my head anyway, it makes it settle that there is a reason as to the order, in case anyone ever had an issue with it!

My husband is wonderful. I am so thankful and grateful for him. He is a great man, he has a heart of gold and tries his best to do everything that he can for everyone. He makes me feel loved and cared for all the time, and I feel safe when I am in his arms. I love him, and I am in love with him. I am one of those women who really adores her husband. Of course I know he is not perfect, and we fight and he annoys me at times. He helps out at home, he respects me and wants me to be happy. He understands how hard it can be to be at home with a difficult baby, and how I can’t get to do half the things that I want or need to. He will step in and step up when he is needed. He is a great father. He will listen and try and understand, and see things from my point too, even if at the start he can’t understand it at all. He is not too proud to say he’s sorry if he is wrong. He is a good man, a good person. He’s sexy as hell too 😉 I am so so thankful and grateful for my husband.